What.

This is truly comedic seeing as I felt this way about the person who posted it, but she deleted me from Facebook and is now ignoring me because I said, I said, word-for-word, "I can't concentrate on your glasses because of the face you're making." The situation is honestly laughable. How can anyone call themselves anything more than a child when this is how they choose to resolve "problems?" I'll set aside the fact that this is an absolutely ridiculous reason to go apeshit and delete me and further ignore my messages, but I thought we were good friends and that something so perfectly stupid has caused her to react this way, I mean.. I don't even know what to think. It's completely absurd. I can't even think of a child who would react in such a way. It's seriously unbelievable. I was told that I was "bullying" and "laughing at [her] face." Are you serious. I literally can not even wrap my head around this.

If you're not going to grow the fuck up and talk to me like an adult after creating such a ridiculous situation out of nothing.. If this is who you really are, maybe it's better off we aren't friends. This is so fucking stupid I can't even.

Sooo,

 I went to XXXBingo tonight with Becca and Anita, who are basically the best friends I've made since college. It was basically Bingo, and you win sex toys and stuff. It was a Valentine's Day event. I won lube, which sucks. I'd rather have won nothing, really. It was kindof like a slap in the face. I mean, three vibrators were given away. I would loved to have claimed victory over one of those fuckers (truly no pun intended.) It'd be like, a trophy. I would showcase it in my home. "Ah, yes. I won that," I would say. Oh, well.

Ps, this is my worn-out face. That make-up is fifteen hours old and as you can tell by the two beautifully symmetrical spots on my face, it's that glorious womanly time again. Fffffffff-

Ahem;

This t-shirt is the epitome of my life right now. Sums it all up pretty nicely.

Something

different this time. Instead of bothering to talk about something I'm going to paste a conversation I just had with someone, which is essentially the same thing except with much less work for me, who would never get around do writing paragraphs explaining this whole thing because she cannot tell a story without mentioning every single detail. I know my previous sentence is incorrect; I'm being ironic. I am a master.

Anyway, here I go. I'm changing my friend's name to respect his privacy. I'm posting it because these subjects are important to me and they mean something to me, so I hope that people don't defer from reading it just because it has an unusual format. It ends with an irrelevant rant, which is also something that goes on blogs.

I apologize in advance for any typos, I was too high to notice and now I'm too burnt out to care:

Shirin: Man, I really, generally miss those days.

Shirin: Everything was so easy.

Shirin: Being high with my friends felt better, my social life felt better and having a crush on and Alex felt.. not better, but you know that butterflies feeling can't be compared with any other feeling.

Shirin: And school was a joke.

Shirin: I know I'm only twenty but it's hard not to believe that the best years of my life are over already. I know that can't be right, but still. It's hard not to believe it.

Poopdicks: don't say that

Poopdicks: the best is yet to come

Shirin: I know, but still!

Shirin: It's hard not to believe!

Shirin: DUH, POOPDICKS.

Poopdicks: I'm 20, too

Poopdicks: if the best years of my life are over, shit, I may as well off myself after you and I have this conversation

Shirin: I suppose. I mean I'm sure I'll have a lovely life.

Shirin: But I feel like now I'm really living for the littler things and looking forward to having an amazing time months from now, not tomorrow or next week.

Shirin: It'll be amazing, but not as frequently.

Shirin: Thus not as amazing.

Shirin: Perhaps not in quality but in quantity.

Poopdicks: I feel like I've been living my entire life looking forward to having an amazing time "years from now"

Shirin: And quality is a factor, but a secondary factor.

Shirin: Also yes.

Shirin: Exactly.

Shirin: And now that I'm here and am getting a more practical or realistic idea of how "years from now" will look like, it's not really all that I had initially imagined.

Shirin: Thus wondering if the best years of my life may have passed.

Poopdicks: i can relate.

Poopdicks: but, i have a lot of anxiety about the next...i dunno, year of my life

Poopdicks: I have this really deep fear that may have caused me to hold on to Erica too tightly.

Poopdicks: Sometimes, I feel like everybody else "gets" people, but I don't.

Poopdicks: I don't have a "circle of friends", per se.

Poopdicks: I have become kind of a loner-type person in recent years, and that's not the real me at all.

Poopdicks: I have this fear that I'm going to take a job in the fall, and I'm going to move somewhere, and I'm not going to know anybody, and I'm not going to meet anybody, and it'll just be me. Alone. And I wont' have a girlfriend or anything like that.
 
Shirin: Oh man.

Shirin: That sounds so familiar.

Poopdicks: Through my relationship with Erica, I realized that money basically doesn't mean a damn thing to me.

Poopdicks: Just makes things a little easier, that's all money can do.

Shirin: Or a lot easier.

Poopdicks: What I want more than a high-paying job or a house on the hill or whatever, is just
somebody that I can be close to, who isn't going to fucking weird out and quit on me the way she did.

Shirin: Remind yourself that you're only twenty.

Shirin: I used to think that "Money doesn't buy happiness" was totally false.

Shirin: But I've had a recent epiphany.

Shirin: I mean, it really depends on the person. I think, that someone who's had money all along (and not necessarily someone who is rich, but someone who can afford to live comfortably for all their life) is someone for whom money couldn't buy happiness.

Shirin: I mean, someone who's always lived a financially stress-free life is probably looking for something more to make them happy.

Shirin: But perhaps for someone who's never had long-term financial stability, money could  buy happiness in a way. I mean, people like them are bound to appreciate money so much more than the first guy.

Shirin: Just, the release from that constant stress. I mean, I imagine it would be something looming constantly over their heads.

Shirin: Before and after every dollar they spend.

Shirin: Just the ability to live comfortably without that horrible feeling is happiness to someone who's lived without it for so long.

Shirin: I think "money can't buy happiness" is something that people with enough money to not hate their lives say.

Poopdicks: I agree with you.

Poopdicks: But, for the type of person you mentioned
Poopdicks: money isn't buying happiness

Poopdicks: it's relieving stress

Poopdicks: or it's buying stability

Poopdicks: or...peace of mind

Poopdicks: I think there's a distinct difference between that and happiness

Poopdicks: but I can't define happiness for everyone.

Shirin: But for some people peace of mind IS happiness.

Poopdicks: exactly

Poopdicks: In comparison to what they had been living with before, especially.

Shirin: Can you believe I've been high this whole time?

Poopdicks: sure

Shirin: I fucking wish I could talk to someone like my roommate like this right now.

Poopdicks: Man, forget that shit. Let's just be surrogate roommates. The guys I live with are bros, they wouldn't get this, either.

Shirin: She ALWAYS kills spiders for me and the other night she didn't and it honestly both felt and seemed like she unconsciously was rejecting me in spite of me because I was high (not even around her, she wasn't even home) earlier that night.

Shirin: And I begged her, I begged her to please kill it I can't sleep knowing it's there.

Poopdicks: :\

Shirin: And she just wouldn't get up and it was RIGHT there I couldn't even believe she was doing that to me.

Shirin: And I even reminded her that out of the kindness of my heart I gave her my LAST dark chocolate Ferrero Rocher. I don't share my favourite chocolates with ANYBODY I wouldn't jump in front of a bus for.

Shirin: And I did.

Shirin: And all she did was tell me that, well, she shared with me her dad's secret recipe for Ranch...

Shirin: Which is not a secret and she offered it to me and it wasn't noble as fuck like my chocolate.

END.

Melancholy;

I hate this feeling. Mostly because I can't even tell what it is. Am I lonely, nostalgic, or just unhappy for some reason? Maybe it's because I'm so sick today, but all my thoughts are either morbid or depressing. I think it's because I'm ill. When I'm sick, I forget what it feels like to be well. Because of that, it feels as though I'll be feeling sick like this forever. I spoke to one of my roommates and asked her some weird questions before telling her some weird stories. Although I know my fears aren't abnormal, I also know that they don't plague the majority of people. I'm jealous. Why do I have these fears and not others? I know I didn't have an unhappy childhood, but why are all of my oldest memories unpleasant? I don't understand. I don't understand what I'm feeling now or why. I can't believe it's past eight already, where has the day gone? I don't want to live here next year. I need a window in my room. I think that's more important than it initially seemed.

Alright,

so it's been a while! I'm compelled to post tonight in particular because I've just had the best day! I woke up at seven and went to my eight o'clock class. Afterwards I went to the caf and had a delicious soup for less than three dollars before going to the mall with my friend Anita. Before heading out of the school, some kids working for the school union stopped us and asked if we'd be around after five. I said yes even though I wasn't sure 'cause I figured there could only be benefit, from the looks of things. We each ended up getting a card we could redeem for a toonie (two dollars) at the school pub for Toonie Tuesday! So we'd just have to give them the card when we get there and they'll give us a toonie which we can choose to either keep or put towards getting something off the toonie menu. Basically, free money OR free food! Anyway, we went to the mall, first. There we sit and chat for like an hour and a half or something, it was really nice. Finally we got to shopping! I had a $45 giftcard to H&M which I wanted to spend. Their current collection is really dull and kinda horrible, to my disappointment, but I managed to find the perfect blazer! I've been searching for one for ages. It's hard to find a blazer which fits perfectly, which it really must. It looked good buttoned up and it looked awesome unbuttoned, too! Can be dressed up or down, I love it. It ended up being $45.14 so I really only paid fourteen cents for it!


THEN I went to check out some shoes. I really didn't think I'd be buying any but ohmigod, I actually had the most amazing luck! I found the perfect pair of suede wedges! Real suede with laces. Can be dressed up or down, I loved them. Check them out! Their original price was $110! GUESS how much I got them for? They were on sale for $49 plus an extra 30% off so they ended up being only $35! DID YOUR HEAD EXPLODE?

My day actually gets even better.

We get back to school and head to the pub to redeem our cards. I give the guy my card and he gives me two dollars AND, a free ticket to next week's Yuk Yuk's comedy show at the school! AMAZING. It was so unexpected and wonderful! We got our free food and bought another for two dollars to share and the waitress felt bad for our last meal messing up so she brought over another and said it's on her and all that but I just couldn't take it from her. But it was an option which she insisted upon, it was lovely!

Today was fucking excellent.

My winter break was great, too. I had my second Christmas ever and I turned twenty. Alex took me to The Rex Hotel for my birthday. It's a live jazz bar on the bottom and a hotel on top, which we stayed at. It was so wonderful! Our window was overlooking the Queen Street in Toronto and there was a lovely night view of the CN Tower in festive lights amongst city buildings in the background and in the foreground, popular shops such as these:

Which was incredibly convenient as we had forgotten the condoms at home! Hah! So we just had to pop across the street real quick, hahaha. Amazing. In the morning we visited the other shop and Alex bought a stunning tobacco pipe before we had breakfast at Café Crepe. Overall successful birthday, I would say! Also as of now we've been together for two years, which is nice to think about.

There's tons more I could talk about since it's been so long, but I'll leave it here.

I

just got home from the school pub. We only left because it closed. I was with that guy I keep mentioning. We're gonna call him Flip-flop from now on because it matches his personality. So I was with Flip-flop, Ginger, Hippie and Mush at the pub and we were there for like, five hours. Turns out Flip-flop's actually a really cool guy when he's really drunk. He becomes easy to talk to and everything. Just like.. normal. And he didn't say anything dick-like at all! I said I'll probably go back to the pub every Wednesday (I don't drink, but it's half-priced wings) and he asked if he could come. I said sure but told him he can't be getting wasted every week. I figured it was the right thing to say, even though he's kindof a sore to hang around when he's sober. I've already known Ginger but it was my first time hanging out with the other two. Pretty sure Mush is the same always but I think Hippie may be less immature when he's drunk (not sure though, since I don't know him too well.)

Anyway, tonight was pleasant! SERIOUSLY not looking forward to class at eight in the morning. I'm supposed to be going to the gym with a friend but it's soooooo not happening. I actually feel really guilty. I don't know, maybe it'll end up happening, but I'm highly doubtful. We'll see!