Wednesday, February 1, 2012


different this time. Instead of bothering to talk about something I'm going to paste a conversation I just had with someone, which is essentially the same thing except with much less work for me, who would never get around do writing paragraphs explaining this whole thing because she cannot tell a story without mentioning every single detail. I know my previous sentence is incorrect; I'm being ironic. I am a master.

Anyway, here I go. I'm changing my friend's name to respect his privacy. I'm posting it because these subjects are important to me and they mean something to me, so I hope that people don't defer from reading it just because it has an unusual format. It ends with an irrelevant rant, which is also something that goes on blogs.

I apologize in advance for any typos, I was too high to notice and now I'm too burnt out to care:

Shirin: Man, I really, generally miss those days.

Shirin: Everything was so easy.

Shirin: Being high with my friends felt better, my social life felt better and having a crush on and Alex felt.. not better, but you know that butterflies feeling can't be compared with any other feeling.

Shirin: And school was a joke.

Shirin: I know I'm only twenty but it's hard not to believe that the best years of my life are over already. I know that can't be right, but still. It's hard not to believe it.

Poopdicks: don't say that

Poopdicks: the best is yet to come

Shirin: I know, but still!

Shirin: It's hard not to believe!


Poopdicks: I'm 20, too

Poopdicks: if the best years of my life are over, shit, I may as well off myself after you and I have this conversation

Shirin: I suppose. I mean I'm sure I'll have a lovely life.

Shirin: But I feel like now I'm really living for the littler things and looking forward to having an amazing time months from now, not tomorrow or next week.

Shirin: It'll be amazing, but not as frequently.

Shirin: Thus not as amazing.

Shirin: Perhaps not in quality but in quantity.

Poopdicks: I feel like I've been living my entire life looking forward to having an amazing time "years from now"

Shirin: And quality is a factor, but a secondary factor.

Shirin: Also yes.

Shirin: Exactly.

Shirin: And now that I'm here and am getting a more practical or realistic idea of how "years from now" will look like, it's not really all that I had initially imagined.

Shirin: Thus wondering if the best years of my life may have passed.

Poopdicks: i can relate.

Poopdicks: but, i have a lot of anxiety about the next...i dunno, year of my life

Poopdicks: I have this really deep fear that may have caused me to hold on to Erica too tightly.

Poopdicks: Sometimes, I feel like everybody else "gets" people, but I don't.

Poopdicks: I don't have a "circle of friends", per se.

Poopdicks: I have become kind of a loner-type person in recent years, and that's not the real me at all.

Poopdicks: I have this fear that I'm going to take a job in the fall, and I'm going to move somewhere, and I'm not going to know anybody, and I'm not going to meet anybody, and it'll just be me. Alone. And I wont' have a girlfriend or anything like that.
Shirin: Oh man.

Shirin: That sounds so familiar.

Poopdicks: Through my relationship with Erica, I realized that money basically doesn't mean a damn thing to me.

Poopdicks: Just makes things a little easier, that's all money can do.

Shirin: Or a lot easier.

Poopdicks: What I want more than a high-paying job or a house on the hill or whatever, is just
somebody that I can be close to, who isn't going to fucking weird out and quit on me the way she did.

Shirin: Remind yourself that you're only twenty.

Shirin: I used to think that "Money doesn't buy happiness" was totally false.

Shirin: But I've had a recent epiphany.

Shirin: I mean, it really depends on the person. I think, that someone who's had money all along (and not necessarily someone who is rich, but someone who can afford to live comfortably for all their life) is someone for whom money couldn't buy happiness.

Shirin: I mean, someone who's always lived a financially stress-free life is probably looking for something more to make them happy.

Shirin: But perhaps for someone who's never had long-term financial stability, money could  buy happiness in a way. I mean, people like them are bound to appreciate money so much more than the first guy.

Shirin: Just, the release from that constant stress. I mean, I imagine it would be something looming constantly over their heads.

Shirin: Before and after every dollar they spend.

Shirin: Just the ability to live comfortably without that horrible feeling is happiness to someone who's lived without it for so long.

Shirin: I think "money can't buy happiness" is something that people with enough money to not hate their lives say.

Poopdicks: I agree with you.

Poopdicks: But, for the type of person you mentioned
Poopdicks: money isn't buying happiness

Poopdicks: it's relieving stress

Poopdicks: or it's buying stability

Poopdicks: or...peace of mind

Poopdicks: I think there's a distinct difference between that and happiness

Poopdicks: but I can't define happiness for everyone.

Shirin: But for some people peace of mind IS happiness.

Poopdicks: exactly

Poopdicks: In comparison to what they had been living with before, especially.

Shirin: Can you believe I've been high this whole time?

Poopdicks: sure

Shirin: I fucking wish I could talk to someone like my roommate like this right now.

Poopdicks: Man, forget that shit. Let's just be surrogate roommates. The guys I live with are bros, they wouldn't get this, either.

Shirin: She ALWAYS kills spiders for me and the other night she didn't and it honestly both felt and seemed like she unconsciously was rejecting me in spite of me because I was high (not even around her, she wasn't even home) earlier that night.

Shirin: And I begged her, I begged her to please kill it I can't sleep knowing it's there.

Poopdicks: :\

Shirin: And she just wouldn't get up and it was RIGHT there I couldn't even believe she was doing that to me.

Shirin: And I even reminded her that out of the kindness of my heart I gave her my LAST dark chocolate Ferrero Rocher. I don't share my favourite chocolates with ANYBODY I wouldn't jump in front of a bus for.

Shirin: And I did.

Shirin: And all she did was tell me that, well, she shared with me her dad's secret recipe for Ranch...

Shirin: Which is not a secret and she offered it to me and it wasn't noble as fuck like my chocolate.


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