Thursday, September 29, 2011


bought this SWEET fucking bikini during the start of the summer and did not wear it a single time. I am so disappointed that I didn't go to the beach once this summer. Do you see those tassles!? Sugar skulls and everything. Sew cute. Anyway, sometimes I just wear it for the fuck of it. I'm aware that it makes my boobs look stupid. All bikinis seem to do that to me.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011


I have the best parents. My dad came all the way over here just to return this to me. I had been on edge all night and all morning! He got here just in time. Phew! Wow, I was not okay.

Monday, September 26, 2011


Serious face accentuated by dramatic lighting.
I forgot my phone in Aurora this morning. I put it down to put my boots on before hopping out to meet my mum who was waiting outside in her car. I left without picking it up! It's at Alex's house right now. I don't know how I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning, since the only alarm I have is on my phone. I'm freaking out a little bit. I need my phone!

Thursday, September 22, 2011


kill me.


class due to cramps. I stopped taking birth control because it made me ugly and hormonal but I think the blissful two-day lady time is worth it. I'll call my doctor to renew my prescription.

That delightful colour in the background of this photo is what I wake up to every morning because I don't have a window. Fuck me.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


never believed in "the good old days" before today. I miss the way things used to be and I miss the way things used to be with us.


is my blind contour self-portrait. It's not the one I'm handing in, but that one's left with a friend for tonight. This is all one continuous line that I drew without looking at the paper, but in a mirror. Of course, I cheated a little. That's why I drew another one to hand in instead.

Anyway, I've decided to return the box for the television since all the channels on it suck. My roommates and I discussed it and we've decided to continue streaming television off the internet, and if the landlord calls us to say we've gone over the limit and she has to pay extra, we'll tell her she can take it out of our cable money that we're paying her (since we are paying for cable and are not getting any.) If she goes on about the box, we'll find something to tell her then, too. Taking care of this stuff is her responsibility. We really shouldn't have to go out of our way and pay another four dollars for a shitbox.

My Friday morning class has been canceled, which is wonderful. It's my least favourite class (3D) and it's at eight in the morning. Now I just have 2D at eleven:thirty. I can't wait to go home this weekend!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011


was alright. I still can't help but feel a little pissed off, though. My rent said it came with cable. The service provider my landlord uses switched from cable to digital so we need to get a box for the television to work. She's the landlord and it did say it was included in the rent. I really think it's her responsibility to take care of this shit. But no, we each (myself and my two roommates) have to go to the shop and get a box ourselves, and pay four dollars each month to rent it. I know it's only four dollars, but it's the principal of the matter. She should pay the eight extra dollars each month (only two of us are getting it.)
To make matters worse, the landlord is signed up for the cheapest plan, which barely has any channels on it. It's only about thirty dollars. If I had my life together and lived in a big fancy house like hers, I'd definitely drop an extra twenty dollars each month and get all the awesome channels. Though I suppose it's because she's Afghan so she just watches foreign television on satellite. I'm quite upset about it, though. Back home, we had like ALL the channels, and that was just like, basic cable. Luckily Alex as all of them because he's back home, plus he has a DVR. I'll make sure he records all my favourite shows for when I come over on the weekends!

Monday, September 19, 2011


weekend went by much too quickly. Though, today went by quickly as well. I had my painting class and it went by so fast. Maybe because we were painting the whole time. Then I hung around with a new friend for like, four hours. Hopefully before I know it it'll be Friday again!

Greatest cake ever.
Alex and I went straight home this time and he took me out to the Keg on Friday. It's expensive there, but fuck it's delicious. I decided to pretend it's my birthday to get a free slice of cake. I normally don't like ice cream cake but this one is so soft and delicious, it's barely even ice cream. Alex made me feel really guilty about it, which kinda sucked. I mean, I'm pretty sure practically everyone does it. We're spending seventy dollars on a meal, we deserve a free cake. No one's going to miss it. I felt so awful by the time the cake arrived that I had lost my appetite for it, but I took one bite and everything was better! The Keg was delicious and wonderful, thank you Alex!

I still haven't found a job and I feel awful. My parents are paying for so much for me. The least I could do is make a hundred dollars a week just for groceries and extra expenses. I really hope there are jobs still available in-school. I doubt I'll get one at all otherwise.

I miss being home already. I know it's only Monday, but it's true. Honestly, I'm completely fine until I realize that tomorrow morning I'll have to wake up in a dark, windowless room. That's really when I miss being home. I just miss waking up to sunlight and not having to turn the lights in the bedroom on until the sun sets, rather than first thing in the morning. It's really depressing. It's also close to that time again. Another month has gone by, except this time I'm alone. "Who will take care of me?" I ask. "You will," Alex replies. I'm going to die. I wish my roommates and I were better friends so that I could cry for one of them to please fill up a hot water bottle for me. I'm not going to be okay. Will consult my doctor about seasonal birth control, just to ease the pain! (Don't tell Alex.)

I know that barely anyone reads my blog, but I love writing it.

Thursday, September 15, 2011


Baked chicken with roasted peppers with cheese sauce, mashed potatoes with gravy and salad! Huzzah!

Also, today I met the guy who fucked with my hair and the girl who humped my leg. I bumped into them in the hall just after they bumped into each other. They didn't know each other beforehand either. Cool people.


seven:twenty-four AM and I am so fucking exhausted. Alex told me to go to sleep but I didn't listen until much later. I got up at six:fifty this morning because I thought I'd have to fix my hair and stuff, but I slept on it funny so the back was sticking up in ridiculous directions, so I'm wearing a hat today. This has saved me a lot of time, but now I'm angry that I didn't sleep in longer. Waking up in this room is so difficult. I'd say living here is like a prison, but even prison cells have windows.

Luckily red lipstick is what I would typically wear with this outfit. Luckily because I have this gross cut on my lip that's become infected and horrible and discoloured, so the red lipstick camouflages it nicely. Ew.

Last night I went to a hypnotist show on campus with a few girls from my class. It was.. definitely not what I expected. The guy came up and I didn't even think he was the hypnotist. He took two shots on stage and had quite a crude way of speaking, which really should have hinted to me what kind of show it was going to be. Long story short, everyone masturbated on stage, men were sucking off imaginary cocks and some unknown girl completely humped my leg. This was a two hour show. You may be able to imagine the other sorts of things he got this poor group of people to do. Still, pretty entertaining for eight bucks. My last eight dollars, actually. I have to give my mum my bank account information so she can deposit some money into it.

College isn't bad, but I'd still like it to end as quickly as possible.

Monday, September 12, 2011


had my first painting class today. I got white paint in my hair. I really can't stand painting. This is mainly because I can't paint at all, but I'm not very confident that I'll learn how to do it much better.

I visit home all weekend and just got back this morning. I really, really needed that visit. I felt like I was completely falling apart before. I think this week will be much better. It felt so good to be home, even if I didn't do anything in particular. I met up with Alex downtown (where his school is) after his class ended, and we went to the Harbourfront center before coming home. I've been taking windows for granted all my life. Waking up in a room with one was probably the best part of going back, other than seeing Alex and my family, of course. Knowing that I'll be going back every Friday will surely keep me sane.

I hope I make better friends that are actually like me. You know, like, long-term friends that I'll actually want to keep around for a long time. It's hard to believe that'll happen though, because all the same people are in all of my classes (except for English.) I can't imagine any opportunities outside of class to meet people and get to know them. I could go to events and things, but I highly doubt I'll be able to get to know anyone I meet there (if I meet anyone there.) I wish I lived in residence. When I check Facebook, it's filled with pictures of people I knew in high school with loads of friends they've made in residence.

Fingers crossed.

Thursday, September 8, 2011


could not imagine being any more unhappy right now.

Edit: A weight has just been lifted off my chest. I did what I felt like I had to do to heal myself and I have received what I needed most. To anyone reading this, you must understand that communication is the most important thing in the world, in almost any situation. To understand that is incredibly valuable, and will save you much heartache in the future. You can't just talk to someone how ever your instinct tells you. It is essential that you know how to communicate properly with who you are speaking to. This knowledge is priceless.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Tonight on the menu;

Steak spaghettini with rosé sauce and salad!
In case you were wondering, yesterday was baked chicken with mashed potatoes with gravy and salad. Doing pretty good!


I feel kinda better now. I had my imaging systems class today. The teacher got us into groups of like four for a get-to-know-eachother activity. Just my luck, I look around and see everyone else in the class laughing and having good, casual conversations and my group fucking sucks. I'm a sociable person and I tried but everyone in my group was quiet and unresponsive and it blew. But! As I was leaving a girl from my class walked next to me and we chat and ended up hanging out for the next couple of hours, so I suppose today was successful.


don't remember the last time I felt so unhappy. I have two roommates here and I still feel completely alone. I've got my second class today. I'm sure I'll make friends eventually but I'm an incredibly hopeless person. As much as it sucks to be out here so far away from everyone I know and love, I don't think that's the reason I feel so awful. Last night I went to bed more unhappy than ever and I woke up feeling sick to my stomach. It's mostly my own fault for bringing up the subject but I was only doing what I felt like I had to do. Confirming my suspicions however was not my intent, and I wish it had never happened. Now that I know, I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know when I'll stop thinking about it, but I hope it's soon because I can't see myself ever being truly happy again with this thought in my head. I wish someone could arrive and take me to yesterday, before all of this happened at all.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I finally have internet!

     I moved into my basement apartment on Sunday and just got internet today. I made myself a delicious meal tonight but my stupid webcam wasn't cooperating so I couldn't take a photo to post and be all blog-like. I finally thought to get my friend to take a screenshot of it but by then it was just an empty plate and bowl. Still, it was awesome. I had my first class today. It was English so it was pretty irrelevant to the rest of my program (art fundamentals) and also super boring. This second post has been uneventful. I'll post pictures of my room soon enough!

Saturday, September 3, 2011

This is me.

     I just got that haircut last week, and my upper lip becomes non-existent sometimes.
     Tomorrow I move out of my boyfriend's house and into a basement apartment with two other students from my college (it's my first year.) My roommates seem.. interesting.  We'll see what happens.