Wednesday, November 23, 2011


just got home from the school pub. We only left because it closed. I was with that guy I keep mentioning. We're gonna call him Flip-flop from now on because it matches his personality. So I was with Flip-flop, Ginger, Hippie and Mush at the pub and we were there for like, five hours. Turns out Flip-flop's actually a really cool guy when he's really drunk. He becomes easy to talk to and everything. Just like.. normal. And he didn't say anything dick-like at all! I said I'll probably go back to the pub every Wednesday (I don't drink, but it's half-priced wings) and he asked if he could come. I said sure but told him he can't be getting wasted every week. I figured it was the right thing to say, even though he's kindof a sore to hang around when he's sober. I've already known Ginger but it was my first time hanging out with the other two. Pretty sure Mush is the same always but I think Hippie may be less immature when he's drunk (not sure though, since I don't know him too well.)

Anyway, tonight was pleasant! SERIOUSLY not looking forward to class at eight in the morning. I'm supposed to be going to the gym with a friend but it's soooooo not happening. I actually feel really guilty. I don't know, maybe it'll end up happening, but I'm highly doubtful. We'll see!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011


Rough copy for my 2D class! Will be painting it on illustration board.
been a while! I stopped writing about my daily events it seems, and I don't like that. I've got some catching up to do!

So, what's happened? That guy I've given up trying to befriend? I was going to the pub with a friend and I ended up inviting him only to be polite, since we were blatantly discussing our plans in front of him. So he came along and I was less than pleased because of the whole mood he gives to every situation. Anyway I was having wings at the pub and got something stuck in my teeth and was trying to get it out for like, ever. I went at it and at it and he said a few things about me just leaving it or whatever but I kept at it. Then, out of nowhere, he's like, "who are you trying to impress?" in like a super attitude-y way. I was like, whoaaa, buddy. Seriously? I have to be trying to impress someone for this to be justified? Okay, in that case the only reason I ever bother to bathe or brush my teeth is also because I'm just trying to impress someone. What's the point in washing my underclothes if I'm not trying to impress anybody!? He's a fucking nut, seriously. And paranoid, too. While I was trying to get the pepper out of my teeth, I was holding my phone CLEARLY SIDEWAYS and I was CLEARLY jaws open, other hand down, looking into the screen of my phone. Meanwhile my other friend is texting his girlfriend and this guy goes "are you guys messaging eachother?" Yeah man, we're blatantly sharing secrets via text while you're right here with us. WHAT the fuck.

Also this one "friend" I had made, I really can't stand her. All she ever talks about is her boyfriend, shopping, makeup and cheerleading (if she's not too busy complaining about something or another.) She's the type of person where you ask her how her weekend was, she goes on and on and on and never asks a thing about you. Ever. We never talk about anything that doesn't concern her. All I ever do is listen to her bitch and moan. She's unbelievably spoiled. Rich, and gets all angry when she doesn't get what she wants. She feels entitled and she fucking sucks. Anyway, apparently she finds me annoying, which is straight up retarded because ALL I do is listen to her in her valley girl accent. Besides, anyone who knows me knows that I'm actually great, so she can fuck right off. The point is, I'm done with her. That felt good.

I wanted to go back on birth control. Not because of my cute little scare but because they REALLY help with cramps. I called for a renewal of my prescription but they won't do it for me until I go in for another pap test! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THAT WAS THE WORST EXPERIENCE EVERRRR. SO, now I either take the horrible HORRIBLE pap test and get my birth control and blissful two-day periods or NOT take the test and have horrible, painful, seven-day periods which make me miss a day of college each month. Brb, crying.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011


I'm back from reading week. Coming back here after being at home was difficult but I think I'm used to it already. It was so nice waking up in my bed every day with Alex in a room full of sunlight. I can hardly wait 'til Christmas!

We went to a bar on Friday with some friends. They had all dressed up. We weren't in costume so when people asked we just said we were going as "that" couple. I'm really disappointed! I had no idea we were going somewhere for Halloween so I didn't bring my costume with me from Oakville. I haven't worn it in two years because I didn't get the chance to wear it last year. My Halloween is getting more and more nonexistent each year. This is it though. Mad Hatter. Super cute, right?

So, I mentioned in an earlier post that there was this guy I've been wanting to be friends with. I thought I was making good progress and I thought he was just shy, but last night we hung out with a couple of other girls and he was so weird, I think I might just have to give up on him. He doesn't contribute to conversation at all. I don't know if he thinks that we're not talking to him but that doesn't make any sense, we're there as a group and he's like right in-between us, he was totally included but he said nothing. He doesn't say anything unless you address him directly and even then he provides very little information unless you ask. He was so distant and disinterested. He literally did not talk on his own accord unless we were talking about drawing. That's the only time he ever has anything to say, when it's about school (basically drawing) or an assignment (basically drawing) or drawing (drawing.) The deal-breaker for me was when he put his headphones in. I was like, REALLY? Why are you even here!? I thought it was so rude. But I swear, that's just the way he is. I know that if he didn't want to be there, he wouldn't be. The whole thing was painful, I just wanted to leave. I'm not going to ask him to hang out again, so unless he asks me, I guess that's it.

The weirdest part is that I have him on Facebook and we banter a little bit back and forth there, and he seems funny based on comments he makes on my photos, and he does tease which is a good sign. He's got personality online, but offline he's dreadful. I don't get it!

Anyway, I'm off to write my midterm!

Saturday, October 29, 2011


received a blog award from Katie! So Apparently now I've got to list seven facts about myself and then make my own blog recommendations. I'm not going to recommend any blogs because the only one I follow is Katie and the only people who follow me are Katie and another lovely lady who found me through Katie's recommendation. Hah.. D:

So! Seven facts about me. 

1) I have three tattoos and the fourth is all planned out. I think I'll get it in the spring. It'll either be my last or second last one. They're addictive at first but I'm about done. Though I do love tattoos, personally I like the look of naked skin better than I would like ink on myself. Only one of three tattoos is visible. You can see it in my last post. (Yes, that is a preggers test. Huzzah!)

2) When I'm not living in my college town, I live with my boyfriend of (almost) two years, Alex. He is my first everything. People say we're an excellent and slash or cute couple. He's the one with me in the photos in my last post. I hope that's obvious enough, though.

3) I need to travel. Seriously. I was fine not traveling at all, but then once I started it became an addiction that cannot be satisfied. I want to see everything and then I want to see everything twice. I feel like the whole reason I'm at school, trying my best to get a good job in my field that earns me a lot of money is so that I can use that money to see the world. I can't wait! (My largest tattoo pertains to my love of traveling.)

4) I have a violent and inexplicable fear of vomit and vomiting. I've developed like, a sixth sense. I can always tell when someone's about to be sick in films and I've become really good at it in real life, too! I bolt out of the room; fast. In the theater, I look down and plug my ears. One time I was in a hall with a friend and we smelt something weird that we couldn't put our finger on. We left the hall and couldn't smell it anymore but my friend realized it smelt like vomit. I gagged pretty violently right there in the hall in front of everyone just knowing that that was what I was smelling earlier!

5) I've been told by a few completely unrelated people from different parts of my life that I resemble a turtle. I've started to believe it but I really don't want to!

6) The best compliments I receive are about my sense of humour. It's because I think I'm hilarious, so it's always wonderful to hear that someone else thinks so, too. I think my next favourites are when people tell me how one-of-a-kind I am. I once heard "you are the weirdest person I have ever met" and I felt amazing all day. It's true, I'm pretty fuckin' weird, but only people who really get to know me get to see that.

7) I over-think and over-analyze practically everything I do, including this stupid blog post. No fact is interesting or quirky enough, so this is where I leave you.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011


really need to start going to the gym. I mean, I have a free gym at my disposal at college. I'm not fat or anything, but there's clearly room for improvement. I want to look the way I looked two years ago. Except.. not exactly. I gained like ten pounds and although I'm not keen on the thighs and waking up in the morning with a less-than-flat stomach, I'm quite enjoying my newly acquired butt. Moving up a cup size isn't bad, either. Still, I want to go to the beach this summer and feel really good. Like "look at me!" good.

Thanksgiving was super. It was great being at home for like four consecutive days. Plus I had really, really good sex. Next year one of my roommates is all done so she'll be leaving. If I stay here, I'll take her room! It as a window, and room for a double bed! It's so close to the school here, too. The only reason I'd leave is if my parents bought a place to rent out. Or I guess, "bugs in the Spring.." which is another roommates reason for maybe leaving after this year.

Today I went to the pub after class with a (new) friend. I thought I was going to just get straight to doing homework, but I mentioned that I never go to the pub because all my friends here so far are eighteen so they can't go. He asked if I wanted to so I did! I like the friends I hang out with outside of class but I like to hang around with different people. Afterward we ran into another guy that I'd like to be friends with and we agreed that next time he would come with us, so I'm really glad about that. It's almost impossible to make conversation with this guy in class!

It's nearly nine o'clock now and I have an eight o'clock class in the morning with an assignment due, so I guess I'll get started on that. Sigh.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


I set my alarm for eleven:thirty this morning. I actually woke up before that time and could have gotten up, but it was just so damn dark! It was too hard! I don't know how many times I hit snooze but I ended up waking up at one:thirty. That sucks.

I had a nightmare for the first time in a long time last night. It's hard to describe but it was terrifying while I was there and it woke me up in the middle of the night.

I finally got my student ID card yesterday and my face seriously looks like a squashed tomato.

It's Wednesday. Tomorrow is Thursday and the day after that is FRIDAY. Huzzah!

Monday, October 3, 2011


week. They always start out so slow, but by Friday they always seem to have flown by. I'm hoping my dad's not busy this Friday so that Alex, my parents and I can all go out to dinner. We've been together for over a year and a half but my parents have just warmed up to him recently and I'm dying for them to get to know him better. I mean, I've been to birthdays, Thanksgiving, Easter, Christmas.. and he's barely been around my family at all. And my family is amazing (ridiculous.) And we go places and do things and now he can be a part of that! I really hope we do well in school and that everything works out as planned with my mum's new job so that the three of us can go to Europe next summer. The excitement of just thinking about it kills me every time.

I am the most mature.
School is alright. Painting sucks. I think I've figured out what I want to do, and I think it means I'll be in school for another four to six years. Most likely the latter (which sucks.) I wanted to see Epic Meal Time tomorrow because they're coming for a show at my school. Weird, right? The Epic Meal Time guys are touring? I don't get it and I can't imagine what they might do, but unfortunately I'm almost certain that the show is sold out. That's really too bad, I think it would have been really entertaining. College life is a little boring this year.

Thursday, September 29, 2011


bought this SWEET fucking bikini during the start of the summer and did not wear it a single time. I am so disappointed that I didn't go to the beach once this summer. Do you see those tassles!? Sugar skulls and everything. Sew cute. Anyway, sometimes I just wear it for the fuck of it. I'm aware that it makes my boobs look stupid. All bikinis seem to do that to me.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011


I have the best parents. My dad came all the way over here just to return this to me. I had been on edge all night and all morning! He got here just in time. Phew! Wow, I was not okay.

Monday, September 26, 2011


Serious face accentuated by dramatic lighting.
I forgot my phone in Aurora this morning. I put it down to put my boots on before hopping out to meet my mum who was waiting outside in her car. I left without picking it up! It's at Alex's house right now. I don't know how I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning, since the only alarm I have is on my phone. I'm freaking out a little bit. I need my phone!

Thursday, September 22, 2011


kill me.


class due to cramps. I stopped taking birth control because it made me ugly and hormonal but I think the blissful two-day lady time is worth it. I'll call my doctor to renew my prescription.

That delightful colour in the background of this photo is what I wake up to every morning because I don't have a window. Fuck me.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


never believed in "the good old days" before today. I miss the way things used to be and I miss the way things used to be with us.


is my blind contour self-portrait. It's not the one I'm handing in, but that one's left with a friend for tonight. This is all one continuous line that I drew without looking at the paper, but in a mirror. Of course, I cheated a little. That's why I drew another one to hand in instead.

Anyway, I've decided to return the box for the television since all the channels on it suck. My roommates and I discussed it and we've decided to continue streaming television off the internet, and if the landlord calls us to say we've gone over the limit and she has to pay extra, we'll tell her she can take it out of our cable money that we're paying her (since we are paying for cable and are not getting any.) If she goes on about the box, we'll find something to tell her then, too. Taking care of this stuff is her responsibility. We really shouldn't have to go out of our way and pay another four dollars for a shitbox.

My Friday morning class has been canceled, which is wonderful. It's my least favourite class (3D) and it's at eight in the morning. Now I just have 2D at eleven:thirty. I can't wait to go home this weekend!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011


was alright. I still can't help but feel a little pissed off, though. My rent said it came with cable. The service provider my landlord uses switched from cable to digital so we need to get a box for the television to work. She's the landlord and it did say it was included in the rent. I really think it's her responsibility to take care of this shit. But no, we each (myself and my two roommates) have to go to the shop and get a box ourselves, and pay four dollars each month to rent it. I know it's only four dollars, but it's the principal of the matter. She should pay the eight extra dollars each month (only two of us are getting it.)
To make matters worse, the landlord is signed up for the cheapest plan, which barely has any channels on it. It's only about thirty dollars. If I had my life together and lived in a big fancy house like hers, I'd definitely drop an extra twenty dollars each month and get all the awesome channels. Though I suppose it's because she's Afghan so she just watches foreign television on satellite. I'm quite upset about it, though. Back home, we had like ALL the channels, and that was just like, basic cable. Luckily Alex as all of them because he's back home, plus he has a DVR. I'll make sure he records all my favourite shows for when I come over on the weekends!

Monday, September 19, 2011


weekend went by much too quickly. Though, today went by quickly as well. I had my painting class and it went by so fast. Maybe because we were painting the whole time. Then I hung around with a new friend for like, four hours. Hopefully before I know it it'll be Friday again!

Greatest cake ever.
Alex and I went straight home this time and he took me out to the Keg on Friday. It's expensive there, but fuck it's delicious. I decided to pretend it's my birthday to get a free slice of cake. I normally don't like ice cream cake but this one is so soft and delicious, it's barely even ice cream. Alex made me feel really guilty about it, which kinda sucked. I mean, I'm pretty sure practically everyone does it. We're spending seventy dollars on a meal, we deserve a free cake. No one's going to miss it. I felt so awful by the time the cake arrived that I had lost my appetite for it, but I took one bite and everything was better! The Keg was delicious and wonderful, thank you Alex!

I still haven't found a job and I feel awful. My parents are paying for so much for me. The least I could do is make a hundred dollars a week just for groceries and extra expenses. I really hope there are jobs still available in-school. I doubt I'll get one at all otherwise.

I miss being home already. I know it's only Monday, but it's true. Honestly, I'm completely fine until I realize that tomorrow morning I'll have to wake up in a dark, windowless room. That's really when I miss being home. I just miss waking up to sunlight and not having to turn the lights in the bedroom on until the sun sets, rather than first thing in the morning. It's really depressing. It's also close to that time again. Another month has gone by, except this time I'm alone. "Who will take care of me?" I ask. "You will," Alex replies. I'm going to die. I wish my roommates and I were better friends so that I could cry for one of them to please fill up a hot water bottle for me. I'm not going to be okay. Will consult my doctor about seasonal birth control, just to ease the pain! (Don't tell Alex.)

I know that barely anyone reads my blog, but I love writing it.

Thursday, September 15, 2011


Baked chicken with roasted peppers with cheese sauce, mashed potatoes with gravy and salad! Huzzah!

Also, today I met the guy who fucked with my hair and the girl who humped my leg. I bumped into them in the hall just after they bumped into each other. They didn't know each other beforehand either. Cool people.


seven:twenty-four AM and I am so fucking exhausted. Alex told me to go to sleep but I didn't listen until much later. I got up at six:fifty this morning because I thought I'd have to fix my hair and stuff, but I slept on it funny so the back was sticking up in ridiculous directions, so I'm wearing a hat today. This has saved me a lot of time, but now I'm angry that I didn't sleep in longer. Waking up in this room is so difficult. I'd say living here is like a prison, but even prison cells have windows.

Luckily red lipstick is what I would typically wear with this outfit. Luckily because I have this gross cut on my lip that's become infected and horrible and discoloured, so the red lipstick camouflages it nicely. Ew.

Last night I went to a hypnotist show on campus with a few girls from my class. It was.. definitely not what I expected. The guy came up and I didn't even think he was the hypnotist. He took two shots on stage and had quite a crude way of speaking, which really should have hinted to me what kind of show it was going to be. Long story short, everyone masturbated on stage, men were sucking off imaginary cocks and some unknown girl completely humped my leg. This was a two hour show. You may be able to imagine the other sorts of things he got this poor group of people to do. Still, pretty entertaining for eight bucks. My last eight dollars, actually. I have to give my mum my bank account information so she can deposit some money into it.

College isn't bad, but I'd still like it to end as quickly as possible.

Monday, September 12, 2011


had my first painting class today. I got white paint in my hair. I really can't stand painting. This is mainly because I can't paint at all, but I'm not very confident that I'll learn how to do it much better.

I visit home all weekend and just got back this morning. I really, really needed that visit. I felt like I was completely falling apart before. I think this week will be much better. It felt so good to be home, even if I didn't do anything in particular. I met up with Alex downtown (where his school is) after his class ended, and we went to the Harbourfront center before coming home. I've been taking windows for granted all my life. Waking up in a room with one was probably the best part of going back, other than seeing Alex and my family, of course. Knowing that I'll be going back every Friday will surely keep me sane.

I hope I make better friends that are actually like me. You know, like, long-term friends that I'll actually want to keep around for a long time. It's hard to believe that'll happen though, because all the same people are in all of my classes (except for English.) I can't imagine any opportunities outside of class to meet people and get to know them. I could go to events and things, but I highly doubt I'll be able to get to know anyone I meet there (if I meet anyone there.) I wish I lived in residence. When I check Facebook, it's filled with pictures of people I knew in high school with loads of friends they've made in residence.

Fingers crossed.

Thursday, September 8, 2011


could not imagine being any more unhappy right now.

Edit: A weight has just been lifted off my chest. I did what I felt like I had to do to heal myself and I have received what I needed most. To anyone reading this, you must understand that communication is the most important thing in the world, in almost any situation. To understand that is incredibly valuable, and will save you much heartache in the future. You can't just talk to someone how ever your instinct tells you. It is essential that you know how to communicate properly with who you are speaking to. This knowledge is priceless.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Tonight on the menu;

Steak spaghettini with rosé sauce and salad!
In case you were wondering, yesterday was baked chicken with mashed potatoes with gravy and salad. Doing pretty good!


I feel kinda better now. I had my imaging systems class today. The teacher got us into groups of like four for a get-to-know-eachother activity. Just my luck, I look around and see everyone else in the class laughing and having good, casual conversations and my group fucking sucks. I'm a sociable person and I tried but everyone in my group was quiet and unresponsive and it blew. But! As I was leaving a girl from my class walked next to me and we chat and ended up hanging out for the next couple of hours, so I suppose today was successful.


don't remember the last time I felt so unhappy. I have two roommates here and I still feel completely alone. I've got my second class today. I'm sure I'll make friends eventually but I'm an incredibly hopeless person. As much as it sucks to be out here so far away from everyone I know and love, I don't think that's the reason I feel so awful. Last night I went to bed more unhappy than ever and I woke up feeling sick to my stomach. It's mostly my own fault for bringing up the subject but I was only doing what I felt like I had to do. Confirming my suspicions however was not my intent, and I wish it had never happened. Now that I know, I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know when I'll stop thinking about it, but I hope it's soon because I can't see myself ever being truly happy again with this thought in my head. I wish someone could arrive and take me to yesterday, before all of this happened at all.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I finally have internet!

     I moved into my basement apartment on Sunday and just got internet today. I made myself a delicious meal tonight but my stupid webcam wasn't cooperating so I couldn't take a photo to post and be all blog-like. I finally thought to get my friend to take a screenshot of it but by then it was just an empty plate and bowl. Still, it was awesome. I had my first class today. It was English so it was pretty irrelevant to the rest of my program (art fundamentals) and also super boring. This second post has been uneventful. I'll post pictures of my room soon enough!

Saturday, September 3, 2011

This is me.

     I just got that haircut last week, and my upper lip becomes non-existent sometimes.
     Tomorrow I move out of my boyfriend's house and into a basement apartment with two other students from my college (it's my first year.) My roommates seem.. interesting.  We'll see what happens.